What Do I Do When There’s Nothing to Review?

There are always dead zones in the cinema where nothing looks worth the price of admission. When that happens, even I can’t justify seeing a lame film while fighting my weakness known as misguided optimism.

Well, the last two weeks in March have brought us a series of lamentable films, so let me make a few comments with the knowledge that I haven’t mustered the courage to buy a ticket.

To begin with, there are two excellent films playing, both of which I previously reviewed. Zootopia is magnificent on all levels, and 10 Cloverfield Lane is a must see whether or not you like psychological horror films. Unfortunately, the rest of the films seem to be positioning themselves to win a Razzie as the most God awful film of the year. Let’s go down that list.

Let’s start with the third film in the Divergent series, this one known as Allegiant. Anyone who saw the second film, Insurgent: Shatter Reality, knows that it was tolerable at best. However, here Director Robert Schwentke has divided up the last book into two separate films much like was done with the Hunger Games, and we know that they proceeded to rob a great story of all of its power. Here, though I really like Shailene Woodley, the film looks like little more than an insult to viewers to help the producers make money before they finally try to deliver the fourth film next year.

Then you have The Brothers Grimsby, a film where even the previews were irritating beyond description. While Sasha Baron Cohen struck gold with Borat (2006), every film since then has gotten progressively worse.

And then there is Gerard Butler in the two lackluster films, London Has Fallen and Gods of Egypt. London Has Fallen is a sequel of the lackluster Olympus Has Fallen (2013), which was basically a one-dimensional film where you observe Mr. Butler single-handedly conquer an army of terrorists trying to destroy the White House. Other than location, this film looks identical in every respect, and it is a borderline insulting remake designed solely to make a few bucks.

Gods of Egypt means nothing at any level, and the producers can only hope to attract some attention from bored television viewers in the future.

And while some are attracted to religion-based films like The Young Messiah and Miracles from Heaven, I’m not a member of that crowd. Allegedly based on a true story, Miracles from Heaven is supposed to be an inspiring story about how a young girl overcame a stomach ailment after talking to Jesus.

If Jesus really cared about the human race, why did he permit Christians to become victims to terrorists in Paris and Brussels? Did he get too distracted by a little American girl to pay attention to larger problems?