The Adventures of Tintin
For those of you who remotely care at this late date, I did finally find an opportunity to see The Adventures of Tintin. I can only blame my two grandchildren, who had the audacity to see it in December with their mother, leaving their poor grandfather mired in his own holiday movie funk. What happened to holiday love, man?
Quite frankly, the principal reason I wanted to see it was the fact that it was picked by the Golden Globes as the best animated film of the year, something that I felt was a sacrilege in light of the overwhelmingly superior Rango. While The Adventures of Tintin is undeniably worth seeing, particularly with children of any age, it again proves that the Golden Globes frequently confuse shit with Shinola.
At the outset I can only assume that the Golden Globes wanted to make sure that Director Steven Spielberg was honored in some category in light of his properly ignored War Horse. And while The Adventures of Tintin justifiably deserves praise for its cinematography and admittedly dark screenplay, it in no way deserved recognition by the Globes, much less possibly earning the prize at Oscar time.
Unfortunately, I was reduced to seeing this family film by myself, which reminded me of an incident many years ago when I took a friend’s 8-year old daughter along to see Disney’s Pocahontas (1995). When I convinced her mother that I needed her child to go with me in order to prevent other parents from suspecting I was a child molester, she laughed and agreed to drive her daughter to the theater.
As I stood in a rather long line to buy tickets, little 8-year old Alise drove up with her mother. Watching them laugh in the car, she ran up to me as I yelled at her mother that I would bring her home after taking her for something to eat after the movie.
As we stood in line, Alise kept dropping to her knees in laughter. When I asked her, “Good grief, what’s going on?”, she responded, “My mom says you’re so funny!”
When I asked her “Why?”, a long line of customers now both in front and behind us, she loudly yelled, “My mom said you needed me to go to this movie with you or everybody here would think you are a big CHILD MOLESTER!” She literally yelled this out with her arms waving in the air, which caused numerous adults to look desperately my way.
Though we eventually got in the theater without my arrest, I couldn’t help but assume that there were parents thinking the same thing as I wandered into The Adventures of Tintin. On the other hand, I stared danger directly in the face and proceeded to sit in a large crowd of pre-teen children. Say what you want, embarrassment is hardly a concern for me after 35 years of criminal practice in the legal arena.
More to the point, while The Adventures of Tintin is as artistically beautiful as Scorcese’s overrated Hugo, its story does admittedly hold your interest. Tintin is a young journalist, in this case voiced by the actor Jamie Bell. Discovering that a model ship contains some type of written artifact, he begins an adventure that takes him to remote places around the world.
Daniel Craig voices the villain Rackman/Sakharine, a dangerous man who is likely to immediately scare any child under the age of 12. Andy Serkis, who was so tremendous as both Gollum in the Lord of the Rings series and as the legendary primate in this year’s wonderful Rise of the Planet of the Apes, voices Captain Haddock, a hopeless alcoholic who becomes Tintin’s close friend.
Quite frankly, I didn’t see The Adventures of Tintin at the IMAX or in 3D,so its special effects may hold a greater charm for those who did. Nonetheless, while the story admittedly keeps you on an emotional edge, an unfortunate tedium gradually sets in that will leave most adults welcoming its conclusion.
Having said all that, Rango is infinitely funnier, not to mention far more topically relevant. I saw it twice in one week with my grandchildren, and they laughed as hysterically as I did. It is now available for viewing, so I can only suggest that you take the opportunity to hunt it down and let The Adventures of Tintin show up on your TV down the road.