Jupiter Ascending

This movie is dumber than Dumb and Dumber To. At least Jeff Daniels and Jim Carey embraced their stupidity.

Let me begin by saying that I love what the Wachowski clan did with The Matrix (1999), and it remains one of my favorite films. However, it now appears that their place in cinematic history is buried in the dark past, and their new film, Jupiter Ascending, is living proof of that sad fact.

The film is an unbelievable mess from beginning to end. There is simply no identifiable structure to any part of this convoluted movie. It is stupid, silly, and embarrassing. The only reason to see it is if you feel the need to punish yourself.

So why did I go? Well, that is the advantage of having a 17 year old Saudi exchange student living in our home. He expressed an interest in the movie, and I needed him as an escort to avoid a mental breakdown.

Mila Kunis is woefully miscast in the role of Jupiter, a young female immigrant making a living as a domestic employee in the States while staying with her Russian mother. You see her cleaning toilets at least four times, and this proved to be one of the highlights of the film.

For reason that I couldn’t explain if I wanted to, it turns out that she is some displaced Queen on a distant planet, and their young leaders spend the entire movie attempting to have her killed. One of those is the Oscar nominated Eddie Redmayne, and I can only hope that he was paid a lot of money for appearing in this disaster.

While there are several credible actors in the film (Sean Bean and Gugu Mbatha-Raw), Channing Tatum’s role as the savior of Ms. Kunis continues to add to the suspicion that he may not have much acting talent. Here, playing an alien with wolf like ears, he appears in multiple scenes wearing shoes that allow him to rise in the air and then speed through the sky faster than Superman’s silver bullet.

Quite frankly, the film borders on the absurd as you see Mr. Tatum fighting at length as the only person on screen without a shirt, not to mention the many times he has to rescue Ms. Kunis as she falls from various high places. At times, I felt I was watching Magic Mike perform in space.

Regardless, if you still feel a need to see this brainless cinematic treat, then rent my exchange student. I can let him go for $25 an hour.